i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Quick, to the slutcave!
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Couch. On fire.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
