You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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