You can't special order awesome
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
