You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
