I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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