Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
