Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
