Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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