She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
