just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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