Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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