Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
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