Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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