Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
