if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
