Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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