Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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