You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
