Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Randomize
