they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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