We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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