Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Randomize
