how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
