so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
This is my gift to your gina
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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