No stitches, just platelets and will power
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
