So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
