Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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