I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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