May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
