i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
