worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Randomize
