I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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