it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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