Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
