Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize
