yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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