If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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