I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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