mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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