Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
