My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
