the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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