I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
