I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Randomize
