Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
