the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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