how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
