it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
