May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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