I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
