im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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