ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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