I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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