on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
